Uni: A Honest Review
Recently, I received an Instagram notification of a mirror selfie from a year ago, where I had just started University. Crazy to now consider that, as I have just started my final year after my initial experience. It was Freshers week at the Fashion Retail Academy. And unlike most of my friends or family members who were excited for me to start this new chapter of my life, to be honest with you, I felt anything but. Days before officially starting, I was so anxious, I spent my time crying, wishing I didn't have to go, praying it would be all ok. In this blog post, I wanted to share my own experience of University, as there is a perception that these will be the best years of your life, and I am here to tell you that for me, it was not all it seems.
After Freshers where my mum had to forcefully walk me to the door 1) to make sure I was ok as I was so nervous 2) to make sure I actually went in and didn't ditch University to walk around London.
I had made it. I made some friends. I was actually looking forward to starting the course as it was my passion. The reason I applied for the Fashion Retail Academy was to benefit my future. So why was it after a couple of weeks of studying, did I just hate it?
If you know me well I love to work hard, study and learn. I am dedicated, and I am passionate. I loved my education so much that when I was at college, I studied English Literature A Level on the side of my Art and Design Diploma. But at that moment of time, I felt really unmotivated, empty and just crap. Looking back, I was waiting for this movie scene moment when everything just fell into place, and instead, I was just tired of commuting, tired of putting my effort into my work and getting nothing back, and I missed being creative.
It was just around Christmas, after 3 months of just feeling misunderstood, everyone around me was loving university life, whereas I just wanted to stay at home, live in my PJs, and not bother. This was the moment when I decided that university wasn't for me and I wanted to leave. Now, there is nothing wrong with leaving something if it makes you feel worthless, or isn't beneficial to your mental state. As long as you have a Plan B, then make that change of a career, a relationship, or education. I didn't have another option to get to my future career and goals, after more tears and trying to make my parents understand I tried to carry on. (PS I did it!)
If I had decided to drop out I honestly think I'd be in a worse place both with my mental state and livelyhood, as I wouldn't be working towards the career I love. Now looking back, I think there was a light at the end of the tunnel moment, as cliche as it sounds. After Christmas, I got a couple of interesting units where I let my creativity flow, where my mindset slowly changed, that I actually enjoyed. A year on, I am now grateful I stayed, fought on, and battled those thoughts I had initially. (Thanks to all my closest friends who supported me through this!)
Starting University, I was initially coming out with 3rds, now I am getting my highest grades so far, with a 1st for an article I wrote.
Starting university, I was unmotivated with working, I am just about to finish a 6-month internship alongside my degree.
Starting university, I hated studying and I am now planning to do study an Art Direction for Fashion course on the side of my degree. (My friends call me nuts, I know!)
Like many first-year students I know, the first months of University are the hardest (of what I've learnt so far, I'll update you when I do my dissertation in the next couple months, I will probably be crying my eyes out again.) These months are hard because change is hard, its uncomfortable and it's anxiety-driven. But we are all in the same boat, all trying to pave our way into this weird weird world. Here's my University review to those who have just started university, or are planning to next year. In my experience, University has been a kaleidoscope of emotions, from crying myself to sleep to now seizing every opportunity I can (and still having a bit of a cry), and don't even get me started on the effects of COVID 19, that's a whole other blog post. But when I graduate next October, I will be raising a glass of prosecco to these life-changing years, whatever results I get.
Thank you for reading, if anyone would like to contact me and have a chat, please do.
Love Mols. x